Wedding Withouts

Not a review of a specific wedding aspect that I can assign a numerical rating, but maybe more the traditional concept of weddings in the US. I’ve attended a few local weddings at this point, read more than my fair share of wedding “How-tos” and “Essentials”. Even last week when we went through the nauseating checklist TheKnot provides, I alluded to all of the items we left on the cutting room floor. I must forewarn you that if you are a guest coming to the wedding you might have briefly seen these on the wedding website FAQs page of what (not) to expect if you’ve perused the site!



You may wonder first of all why we didn’t bother to include these key items as part of our wedding? From a pragmatic sense we are trying to minimize any additional items to forget about logistically, also we will be moving shortly after the wedding/honeymoon so we definitely don’t want more items to worry about moving as an overarching theme. Oh and if you happen to use Quora, I’ve been answering some wedding related questions on there as well. I’m no expert. I just recently joined feel free to add me!

Ceremony / Venue Decoration
  • Bouquets or Boutonnieres – Oh flowers how pretty you are to look at, but your existence is fleeting. Seriously what do people do with these expensive decorations? The centerpieces came with our venue package, but we ain’t going to bother with the additional decoration.
    • Bouquet toss – rounding up all the single ladies to see who the lucky one will be next? (Don’t get me started on the whole concept of shaming people who are single. Nothing wrong with not getting married if you don’t want to.)
    • Garter toss – same concept with males. My SO and I agreed that this tradition did not feel right for us. Does anyone still do this anymore in general? Haha
  • Favors – at the wedding/reception I attended only 2 of them had actual favors and they were very cute! We had some girly favors for my bridal shower too, but we will skip this for the wedding. I observed that most people just left them at the table so there begs the question of what to do with all the leftovers.
    • Sure we could have gone with edible chocolate favors, but I’d rather just thank the guests directly rather than with a trinket. (No time to make these either!)
    • Instead we will have ribbon streamers available for guests (in aisle seats) who wish to wave them as we exit the wedding ceremony as newlyweds for a great photo op.
  • Ceremony Programs – Thought about this one, but I don’t think it’s necessary. We aren’t introducing several other people or speakers.
    • Ushers, flower girls, attendants, ring bearer – Hopefully I didn’t miss any other accompaniment roles in the wedding. There won’t be any children and we haven’t tapped any of our other friends/family to draw out the ceremony.
  • Open Bar – aside from our wedding being on a Sunday, we have other reasons too for this decision.
    • I’m not a big drinker, but I can see how a lot of people expect there to be alcohol to help them relax/loosen up. One of the most hotly discussed topics for a speedy path to a “tacky wedding”. (Let’s also just stop using that word so interchangeably with other people’s decisions we simply don’t agree with.)
  • Live Musicians – this would have been a nice touch, but we did not feel comfortable reaching out to our friends or musician family members for this big gift/favor. We don’t have time or $ to spare for hiring someone else.
  • Father/Daughter Dance – First question that may pop up after my SO dances with his mother.  I am not a good dancer, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen my father dance once haha. My family and I are very private with their lives. The entire concept of a larger wedding on display for all to see is a new concept so when possible we want to avoid drawing more attention.
  • More the Merrier – Yep we did not give our guests +1s, and we had to tell people that we are having an adults only wedding. Of course initially it’s awkward to break the bad news, but most people are understanding (or seething silently).
    • We understand that many people view weddings as a family affair, where everyone in the family should be included. Plus it’s tricky getting a sitter/someone to watch the kids for a duration of 3-6+ hrs. However, our venue charges an additional fee for each kids meal (it’s not included in the price per meal option).
    • Many people don’t want to go to a wedding alone celebrating love, so they’d rather be in the company of others or a romantic companion. If cost was not an issue and we had infinite funds, sure, but most venues charge per head and we’d rather invite someone else we both know.
  • Free reign on photos / videos during ceremony – alright you might think I’m pretentious/hypocritical for wanting an “unplugged ceremony”. I’m guilty of being one of those people who document my life through endless photos.
    • However, we have spent a considerable amount on a photographer and videographer for the day whom we are entrusting with capturing the key moments during the ceremony.
    • I cringe to imagine the sea of cell phones, ipads/tablets, and clunky electronic devices covering our lovely guests’ faces. Or guests leaning so far into the aisle for their perfect shot that they block the pros. Call me paranoid.
    • We also don’t know any individuals with high quality cameras and proven photography skills so we’d prefer everyone sit back and relax.
  • Salon Hair, Nails, Makeup – “…but it’s your day to get pampered!”
    • The Hair aspect I may regret, but honestly my stubborn hair along and chubby hands are not some of my best features so I’ll stick with what I know works to not draw unnecessary attention.
    • As for Makeup, I’ve been a recovering addict for awhile so I feel confident that I can do my own on the day of. I’m also very picky, so I doubt I’d be happy with other trials.
    • Nails refer back to the chubby hands issue haha. I’m also quite picky so I’d rather just do my own!
  • Veil – sure it looks gorgeous affixed to the back of your hair, front, however you want it. I don’t think this is for me. I did see some breathtaking photos of the wind blowing in just the right direction with the veil. You can be on the edge of your seat to find out what I actually choose day of.
  • Wedding Planner – well I thought about this as well, but went with the DIY route since our venue covered several vendors we would have had to finagle otherwise.
    • As I’m truly drowning up to my eyeballs in work, this would have been great to have now. However, I’m sure we’re saving a lot of $ forgoing this.
  • Spending Night Before Separately / 30 Days Before Separate Rooms – Ahem, not going to skirt around the fact that my SO and I have been roommates (along with 3 other people) for a couple years. It seems a bit silly just to do that before the wedding. Sure distance makes the heart grow fonder, but seems like an unnecessary added step for us.
  • Wedding Dress from Bridal Shop/Keeping it Secret from Groom – *GASP* alright now that’s out of the way I can let you know that I got mine online. I did in fact go to try on several at Davids Bridal AND another Bridal boutique in NH.
    • Checking in NH honestly is a SMART move if you want to save some inevitable luxury tax $. In MA the threshold is $175 so any amount over that is taxed with the 6.25% sales tax. That can definitely add up if your dress is several thousand $.
    • I take no issue with those that want to find the perfect dress, but you’ll be wearing this for just one day. Sure you could repurpose it or hope you’ll have a daughter that you can impose to also wear it.
    • Luckily for me the dress I ordered online fit quite well and it’s a classic style that suits my personality! One of my main fears was that the dress wouldn’t look nearly as nice as the photo online. (No hemming needed, BONUS!)
      • Brace yourself, I let my SO take a photo of me when trying it on since we don’t believe in that kind of antiquated superstition. Plus he hasn’t seen the entire outfit all put together just yet.

Resources of Wedding Checklists if you don’t want to run as lean as we did. Also included another article of Wedding Tradition stipulations.

Whew! Snuck this post just in the nick of time… Please let me know if you’d also be interested in another post about what aspects of the wedding my SO and I prioritized and spent more time and money on.

Categories: Review, WeddingTags:


  1. A lot of these really are unnecessary, good call!


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